Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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