should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
