He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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