I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
