So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
