So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
