Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
