I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
