I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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