I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
