I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize