Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
