It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
