yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
