Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
