So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
