i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
