Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
