I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
