This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
