i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
