hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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