No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
