I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
why is half of my head shaved?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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