i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize