I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
