I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
