i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize