if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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