I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
