Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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