I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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