I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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