Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
