Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize