Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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