I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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