i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
