I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
