Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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