she looked like the before picture.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
