true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
