elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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