If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I looked at my own cervix.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
