She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
