i don't like sucking hair
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
