Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
