Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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