Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
