I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
