We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
