I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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