Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
