I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
