i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
