I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
