You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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