i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
