i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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