You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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