So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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