i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's blow job season.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
