Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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