better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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