Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
