just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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