You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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