hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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