Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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