Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
