brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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