Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
