The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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