I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
