Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
