I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
