I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize