He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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