I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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