Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize