Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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