Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
