I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
