R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
