i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
