i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
