just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
