I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
