Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he fucked my hip out of place.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
