yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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